Mind your business

I love people I really do, but I am so tired of people trying to tell J and what to do and than if we don't do it when or how they want us to do it make a decision and act on it. Instead of respecting the decisions we make. J and I made a decision this year not to purchase another wheelchair accessible vehicle due to the fact that at the time we were looking for a new  wheelchairs vehicles that were in our budget of 23,000 dollars were at least 10 years old or/and had several thousands of miles on them. We weren't willing to take the chance of purchases a vehicle that old or with that many miles on it. We also were having to jump hoops in order to purchase a new wheelchair for J the insurance company was being a pain in the butt about it but it was doable just taking time to get everything done and everything turned in and all the information from the insurance company. Thankfully though now next time it will be handle before we even submit it the wheelchair company and the insurance company. Someone purchased us a new power wheelchair and Wow what an amazing gift. With the price tag of those running upwards of 30-40,000 dollars it was way amazing. However they didn't ask what would work for our current situation. We are limited to the weight of the chair to 250 lbs and the one that was purchased was over 300 lbs and a higher more expensive model again wonderful thing if we had a wheelchair accessible vehicle because the weight wouldn't be an issue. However with just a wheelchair lift on the back of the car we have we have to stay under 350 lbs total weight including the weight of the lift which I should mention is 70 lbs so we can have a chair that weighs at most 290 lbs. So while J has a new chair he can't take it anywhere unlike his other one that was able to be loaded on the back the car. We would use the other chair except that we kept getting pressure from the people who purchased the wheelchair to get it up and running because it did need some repairs that we were going to be responsible for and so we pushed forward towards doing that and that meant switching out some parts from the old one to the new one. Therefore we only have one working chair which can't be loaded onto our vehicle and used and now those same people are starting to put pressure on us now to purchase a used wheelchair van because it would make life so much easier on J and on I. It's frustrating because we do really care about these people and they have helped in the past but for the most part J and I's decisions affect us mainly. It's not like they are involved in our day to day life and its J and I who are affected the most by our decisions. I had a lot of anxiety about driving anything period after a year and half of almost constant breakdowns and several thousands of dollars in repairs and never knowing if you would make it back home that it has taken me 7 months to get over the worst of it I think. I still just prefer being at home and not going anywhere because than at least the car can't break down on me at home. My anxiety would get to me so bad I would make up any excuse to not go somewhere. I am finally a lot better but the very thought right now of driving another used wheelchair van just stresses me out to the point that I break down in tears sobbing because I can't even handle the thought of it. I know there would be a lot of things that would be a lot easier for us and possible for other people but it just is not feasible at this point to go into debt for it. For me the pressure makes me feel like a failure as a wife that I am not doing a good job of taking care of J. I know that since he was 5 he has had a power chair wherever he went and a wheelchair vehicle but a lot has changed since then and J made a lot of financial mistakes when he turned 18 and threw away a lot of money and lost a lot of money in investments that went bad and so there isn't a secret savings account with thousands and thousands of dollars that we just don't want to spend. I know we make a decent amount of money but we do have certain bills that no one else has and it gets tight a lot of times with a once a month paycheck. This might not really all make a lot of sense but I just needed to vent and I really wish people would start respecting the decisions we make as a couple we are little kids that need the help all the time. I just wish the unsolicited help and advice would stop. I also wish the false accusations of mismanagement of our money would stop and that people would also stop assuming that we are rich. We are actually in the middle class we aren't poor but we aren't rich and yes our finances are different than others and yes I am so thankful but when your income amount doesn't change and there are no raises or cost of living increases. So as prices go up our money doesn't stretch as far as it use to. Even now things are tight but doable. We are slowly working our way back out of the little bit of debt we have. We should have our washer and dryer paid off in January and than our credit card hopefully will be paid off by December 13 at the absolute latest. Than we can focus on building up our savings and doing it quickly. At least until than we will have the credit card as emergency funds although I know that's not the wisest thing to do, but it's what we will have to do for now.Anyways well I better stop ranting and venting on here and get to work today.

2 years!

Two years ago I was getting ready to walk down the aisle and say I do. It was a wonderful! I wasn't nervous or stressed. I knew I was making the right choice and I had no reason to be nervous or stressed. I can't believe it'e been 2 years it doesn't seem like it and yet we seem to have gone thru a lifetime of ups and downs. I wouldn't have my life any other way. God knew what we needed though the first year and half our marriage to focus on each other because we tried very hard but seemed like nothing we did opened any doors in our ministry or even in our local church to serve. In the beginning part of this year things in the ministry started picking up tremendously and today we send out roughly 1200 daily e-devotions. It's all glory and praise to God for that. We than switched to a church and a lot doors of serving have been opened and it has been busy needless to say. I am so happy for what's in store for our lives in the years to come I am glad that everyday our marriage grows stronger and our friendship and love grow deeper. I truly did marry my best friend. I love you honey!

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I have no title for this blog, I wouldn't even know how to classify what I am saying or if I even have the words to say. I started this year out with a plan to grow and change my life. There really wasn't a big need to change my life, except that I just felt stuck. I felt like I was in a rut and I didn't know how to get out of it. I was at a point in my life that everything is going pretty great; amazing husband, paid for house, finally a dependable car. I just felt like something was missing in my life though, I didn't know what it was. We have an amazing roommate that is more family to us than roommate. God truly knew what He was doing when He brought her into my life 11 years ago and than brought her back into my life when I was single as my roommate 3 years ago. We had been able to travel and see our close friends in Savannah and although I missed them I really really enjoyed our visits with them and the freedom that we could take off at a drop of a hat and go see them. We even really enjoyed their church and said that if God ever moved us to Savannah we would have already found our home church. Even still everything was going good from the outside. I was dissatisfied with life. I felt a emptiness in life. I felt like I was missing something and lacking something. I still don't really know what it was but I know that in the past 4 months my life has changed that I have learned so much and feel like I have grown leaps and bounds and yet the last 4 months hasn't been all that fun at times. Even in the past few weeks I have come to the point that I am truly enjoying reading my bible and finally feel like I am understanding it in a way I have never have. The stories I have known are becoming real. I also have in the past month really sensed a change in my physical body as I have begun to regularly work out. I feel my strength returning and I feel my physical body changing as well. I feel that my marriage is strengthening. I am finding such a peace in my life that has been missing for awhile. I feel that I am returning to my first love as the bible would say. I am enjoying my walk with God more and feel His presence in my life more and more each day.