Growing Pains Part 2

Yesterday I reached out to the person God has been speaking quite clearly and quite loudly about for sometime to forgive. I sent a text to them to open the door to see if they would even listen to what I had to say and the door is opened. We will be talking more next week as they are on their honeymoon. (I didn't know for sure that they were still on it). I never thought I would talk to this person again and my flesh was quite alright with that. Well after doing that and things going way smoother than I ever thought it would; I had the worst night of sleep I have had in years. I tossed and turned and woke up ever couple of hours and than early this morning I had a dream almost more like a nightmare. I know it was not a Godly dream it was one sent to discourage me from continuing on to do what God has told me to do. Yet even as my alarm went off this morning the song "Forgiveness" by Matthew West was playing and than right after the song went off k-love played a part of an interview with Brandon Heath that talked about dealing with the poison of bitterness in your life. Wow! God came right in after the dream and confirmed twice that I am doing the right thing and going the right way. I should also say that last night when I was getting ready for bed I had The Spirit channel on our tv which plays all christian music and it had a song on about forgiveness that I have never even heard of before. So while my flesh still screams no don't do this my spirit is screaming louder than ever before to break free. Even after reaching out in a text message I feel so much lighter and so much more free and so much more peaceful and I can't imagine how much more that will go up once I actually talk to this person and finish what God has called me to do.

Growing Pains

This year has been a year of growth and change for me personally and spiritually. God has really been working a lot in me and bringing to life things that I had let die and had given up on months and years ago. Just like in the physical as you get older and grow it can be exciting but than the growing pains come and its not so fun or the responsibilities you once longed for you no longer enjoy. Right now I am in the painful part the part that I no longer long for or enjoy. God has really been dealing with the past with me and forgiveness that I need to give and anger I need to get over and hurt that I have held onto that has turned into bitterness. I know what to do but its scary out there in the "real" world. In the world where I don't have the bitterness and anger and hurt anymore. Where I don't have control of that area of my life where God is in control. I know it should be an easy choice get rid of all that is holding me back but I have been holding onto to this for years and it has grown a strong root in my heart. I have slowly been chopping away and I know freedom is coming I can sense it in my spirit but it stills scares me. I know I will have more joy and more peace yet I want to hold onto the pain and bitterness and anger because its what I know. I need to have a conversation with a certain person and I have rehearsed it over and over again and every time I rehearse it I get to a part that says I don't know where this leads to or if there is to be complete restoration. Its the unknown I fear. I have had so many situations and decisions in my life that were completely out of my control and I faced so much unknown that I am weary from the very idea of facing it once again. Every time I say Okay God I give in I will do it and than I don't or say yes I forgive that person and than bring it back and don't God brings up the topic of forgiveness again. This all started about 6 months ago when someone at church gave a casual testimony about how God had to work forgiveness in her and the day after she forgave that person died. God really started dealing with me then as you don't know how long you have left or that person has left and why would you want to go to grave with that bitterness and unforgiveness in your heart. Our pastor has been preaching through the book of Genesis this year and so many times forgiveness and restoration has been brought up. There have been songs and books and through out my Bible reading this year this has been theme of it even though I have read the Bible before and heard all the stories before God is showing me that forgiveness is key to everything to freedom to peace to relationship with God.

Mind your business

I love people I really do, but I am so tired of people trying to tell J and what to do and than if we don't do it when or how they want us to do it make a decision and act on it. Instead of respecting the decisions we make. J and I made a decision this year not to purchase another wheelchair accessible vehicle due to the fact that at the time we were looking for a new  wheelchairs vehicles that were in our budget of 23,000 dollars were at least 10 years old or/and had several thousands of miles on them. We weren't willing to take the chance of purchases a vehicle that old or with that many miles on it. We also were having to jump hoops in order to purchase a new wheelchair for J the insurance company was being a pain in the butt about it but it was doable just taking time to get everything done and everything turned in and all the information from the insurance company. Thankfully though now next time it will be handle before we even submit it the wheelchair company and the insurance company. Someone purchased us a new power wheelchair and Wow what an amazing gift. With the price tag of those running upwards of 30-40,000 dollars it was way amazing. However they didn't ask what would work for our current situation. We are limited to the weight of the chair to 250 lbs and the one that was purchased was over 300 lbs and a higher more expensive model again wonderful thing if we had a wheelchair accessible vehicle because the weight wouldn't be an issue. However with just a wheelchair lift on the back of the car we have we have to stay under 350 lbs total weight including the weight of the lift which I should mention is 70 lbs so we can have a chair that weighs at most 290 lbs. So while J has a new chair he can't take it anywhere unlike his other one that was able to be loaded on the back the car. We would use the other chair except that we kept getting pressure from the people who purchased the wheelchair to get it up and running because it did need some repairs that we were going to be responsible for and so we pushed forward towards doing that and that meant switching out some parts from the old one to the new one. Therefore we only have one working chair which can't be loaded onto our vehicle and used and now those same people are starting to put pressure on us now to purchase a used wheelchair van because it would make life so much easier on J and on I. It's frustrating because we do really care about these people and they have helped in the past but for the most part J and I's decisions affect us mainly. It's not like they are involved in our day to day life and its J and I who are affected the most by our decisions. I had a lot of anxiety about driving anything period after a year and half of almost constant breakdowns and several thousands of dollars in repairs and never knowing if you would make it back home that it has taken me 7 months to get over the worst of it I think. I still just prefer being at home and not going anywhere because than at least the car can't break down on me at home. My anxiety would get to me so bad I would make up any excuse to not go somewhere. I am finally a lot better but the very thought right now of driving another used wheelchair van just stresses me out to the point that I break down in tears sobbing because I can't even handle the thought of it. I know there would be a lot of things that would be a lot easier for us and possible for other people but it just is not feasible at this point to go into debt for it. For me the pressure makes me feel like a failure as a wife that I am not doing a good job of taking care of J. I know that since he was 5 he has had a power chair wherever he went and a wheelchair vehicle but a lot has changed since then and J made a lot of financial mistakes when he turned 18 and threw away a lot of money and lost a lot of money in investments that went bad and so there isn't a secret savings account with thousands and thousands of dollars that we just don't want to spend. I know we make a decent amount of money but we do have certain bills that no one else has and it gets tight a lot of times with a once a month paycheck. This might not really all make a lot of sense but I just needed to vent and I really wish people would start respecting the decisions we make as a couple we are little kids that need the help all the time. I just wish the unsolicited help and advice would stop. I also wish the false accusations of mismanagement of our money would stop and that people would also stop assuming that we are rich. We are actually in the middle class we aren't poor but we aren't rich and yes our finances are different than others and yes I am so thankful but when your income amount doesn't change and there are no raises or cost of living increases. So as prices go up our money doesn't stretch as far as it use to. Even now things are tight but doable. We are slowly working our way back out of the little bit of debt we have. We should have our washer and dryer paid off in January and than our credit card hopefully will be paid off by December 13 at the absolute latest. Than we can focus on building up our savings and doing it quickly. At least until than we will have the credit card as emergency funds although I know that's not the wisest thing to do, but it's what we will have to do for now.Anyways well I better stop ranting and venting on here and get to work today.

2 years!

Two years ago I was getting ready to walk down the aisle and say I do. It was a wonderful! I wasn't nervous or stressed. I knew I was making the right choice and I had no reason to be nervous or stressed. I can't believe it'e been 2 years it doesn't seem like it and yet we seem to have gone thru a lifetime of ups and downs. I wouldn't have my life any other way. God knew what we needed though the first year and half our marriage to focus on each other because we tried very hard but seemed like nothing we did opened any doors in our ministry or even in our local church to serve. In the beginning part of this year things in the ministry started picking up tremendously and today we send out roughly 1200 daily e-devotions. It's all glory and praise to God for that. We than switched to a church and a lot doors of serving have been opened and it has been busy needless to say. I am so happy for what's in store for our lives in the years to come I am glad that everyday our marriage grows stronger and our friendship and love grow deeper. I truly did marry my best friend. I love you honey!

...

I have no title for this blog, I wouldn't even know how to classify what I am saying or if I even have the words to say. I started this year out with a plan to grow and change my life. There really wasn't a big need to change my life, except that I just felt stuck. I felt like I was in a rut and I didn't know how to get out of it. I was at a point in my life that everything is going pretty great; amazing husband, paid for house, finally a dependable car. I just felt like something was missing in my life though, I didn't know what it was. We have an amazing roommate that is more family to us than roommate. God truly knew what He was doing when He brought her into my life 11 years ago and than brought her back into my life when I was single as my roommate 3 years ago. We had been able to travel and see our close friends in Savannah and although I missed them I really really enjoyed our visits with them and the freedom that we could take off at a drop of a hat and go see them. We even really enjoyed their church and said that if God ever moved us to Savannah we would have already found our home church. Even still everything was going good from the outside. I was dissatisfied with life. I felt a emptiness in life. I felt like I was missing something and lacking something. I still don't really know what it was but I know that in the past 4 months my life has changed that I have learned so much and feel like I have grown leaps and bounds and yet the last 4 months hasn't been all that fun at times. Even in the past few weeks I have come to the point that I am truly enjoying reading my bible and finally feel like I am understanding it in a way I have never have. The stories I have known are becoming real. I also have in the past month really sensed a change in my physical body as I have begun to regularly work out. I feel my strength returning and I feel my physical body changing as well. I feel that my marriage is strengthening. I am finding such a peace in my life that has been missing for awhile. I feel that I am returning to my first love as the bible would say. I am enjoying my walk with God more and feel His presence in my life more and more each day.

2012...to be continued

So this year is nothing like I expected it would be. We have ups and downs; stress and relief; happiness and sadness. Earlier this year the hubs and I made a decision to switch churches. We do not take that decision lightly especially now being married and wanting to start a family. There were lots of reasons we left but the biggest one was the feeling of being overlooked a lot. It seemed like a struggle to get involved and stay involved. I had personally been attending this church for 6 years and I can't really name someone who I would call up in a time of need or emergency. I have been silent of this front for a lot of reasons. We still know people who attend this church and it is a larger church in our area and I know that they are doing a lot of good things however it wasn't the right fit for us. No we aren't looking for the perfect church because it doesn't exist but a church were you feel welcomed and like family and were people actually talk to you is what we craved. We craved fellowship with other believers. I felt like I could stay at home and watch church on tv or livestream  on the internet and get the same amount of fellowship as walking into the church. We wanted to be missed if we weren't there and checked on if we suddenly didn't show up. Maybe churches are that way anymore but it sure should be. However God lead us to a gem of a church on Easter Sunday we were visiting with my in-laws and we haven't left since. It is so refreshing being there and having people talk to you and for people to even recognize if you miss your normal service (we have 2 sunday morning services). It has been so easy to get involved in church activites and ministries. That was the first big change that happened a high you could say. As we entered into the high of finding an amazing church we gained another high of finding out we were expecting our first little love. Unfortunately I miscarried within 2 weeks of finding out and our little love was called home to heaven. We had a huge stress relief come with the purchase of our new car a Kia Sorento. Before we had this vehicle we never left the house literally we would very rarely leave the house and take our vehicle. Our van would leave us stranded at the drop of a hat and when you have a husband or any loved one that is wheelchair dependent it doesn't make for an easy situation. Especially when people couldn't figure out what was wrong for so long. We went on our honeymoon in May. It was wonderful and relaxing. We spent 7 days in Orlando and though we didn't see much it was exactly what the doctor ordered.  We came home and hit the ground running. We got involved at church and in a couple of weeks our youth program will begin for this fall and we are both involved in it. Our minister Jesus Saves International has taken off. We now send out over 600 daily e-devotions. God has truly blessed us. We have been able to construct a new studio that the hubs will be able to use to speak into the lives of many through weekly video podcasts. God has been gracious enough to allow 22 people to get saved thru the ministry. God gets all the glory and honor for everything. I spent most of the summer watching our nieces while my brother and sister-in-law worked. It helped grow the bound even more however we are thankful that that particular season has come to a close for now. I continue to walk on this weight loss journey as it has been slow and hard but steadily I push on never giving up. I am so excited to see what the rest of this year holds for us and where God will continue to take us.

Today I thank God for unanswered prayers!

I should preface this by saying that I believe God answers every prayer we pray as either yes, no, or wait. So more importantly I thank God for those prayers He answered no to. I know that had He healed my mom I wouldn't have moved to Iowa and had I not moved to Iowa I wouldn't have had to move back to Florida and live completely on my own and date a guy that didn't treat me the way I was also taught a real man treats a woman; which means I wouldn't have gone thru the break up that lead to me getting onto e-harmony which lead me to meet the man of my dreams that treated me exactly how I was also told I was worth being treated and I wouldn't have married him and be serving with him in ministry now or attending a small church right around the corner from my house. I know that the life I lead right now is God's perfect will for my life. God could have said ok to those other prayers that I thought I really really really wanted but I know every no was preparation for the season of life I am in right now. God started preparing me at 9 years old for my husband. My mom was diagnosed when I was 9 with leukemia and at that point we kids had to start stepping up to the plate more and more with chores and different responsibilities around the house. If we hadn't moved to Columbus where my mom was diagnosed with the leukemia we wouldn't have necessarily moved to Florida which might have changed other aspects of my life but I wouldn't here where I am now and with who I am now. I would never have meet my best friend Michelle is as close to the sister I never had growing up that I could have without sharing any blood relation. I also wouldn't have my 2 wonderful stepsisters and my precious half-sister. I know that the pain that I felt and endured from all the no's God gave me was totally worth all of the blessings in my life. I would go thru it all again in order to be here now. God ordained every step in my life and He knew what I would have to endure in order to be the wife I needed to be and the mother one day I will be. He knew that I would have to have the strength not just physically but emotionally to have an interdependent marriage. Something I never thought I would have. While my marriage is different than anyone elses I know at the core of it, it is very much the same. I know that the difficulties and challenges that I face in my life serve to remind me that I am not in control; that God is in control and He has ordained my steps. I live the most amazing life and I sit back in awe and wonder of how I could be so blessed in order to deserve this and the truth of the matter is I don't; I don't deserve any of the blessings God has given me. First and foremost I don't deserve the gift of salvation and I could never do anything to deserve it; I can't be good enough, I can't work hard enough; can't read the bible enough; or even pray enough to deserve the amazing gift I received at 5 years old thru Jesus dying on the cross. I fail my Jesus so many times a day it seems like and all I know is I am so glad that God is far more patient with me than I would be or can be with other people. I have been listening to John Waller the past few days in worship during my quiet times and this song sums up the most of what I feel. 

Of course the title of this blog also reminds me of a country song as well 

Positive, Positive, Negative, Negative, Negative???!!!

So 2 weeks ago today I took 2 pregnancy test (different brands, different times) and they both turned out positive. Jeremy and I were ecstatic especially since having been told that we might not be able to have children of our own. We quickly told his our parents and a couple of very very close friends. For the most part though we kept it very hush hush until I was able to go to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy. I had a few symptoms some slight nausea, constant tiredness, and irritability. We even bought some baby stuff to prepare. I was cautiously optimistic until it was confirmed through the doctor. A little less than 2 weeks after the test at home I went to the midwifes office and we did the initial exam and did a urine sample which was negative (although not surprised as I had been up for around 4 hrs by the time they had did that test and drank quite a bit of water as I normally do and it definitely was was not my first time going to the bathroom that day. However the midwife didn't seem concerned and wanted to do some blood work as well to just make sure. I went home to wait for the results. She first told me that she would only call if the blood work was negative and I didn't receive a call until closer to 430 today. I was hoping that by it being so late in the afternoon that it was a positive since she said I wouldn't get a call unless it was negative. When she called she told me that my blood work was negative and was anywhere remotely positive. I was told that there was only two possibilities and that was either I had false positives at home or possible had been pregnant and I caught it really early and than had a very early miscarriage or what is called a chemical pregnancy. I have done a lot of reading and research the past couple of weeks and from everything I have read it seems that false positives are very rare unless you didn't follow the instructions on the pregnancy test (which I followed to the letter of the law) and more than likely what happens is you have an early miscarriage. It all doesn't seem real as we hadn't made any announcements to many people and it was all kinda quiet at home and didn't really talk that much about the baby just because I didn't want to keep bringing it up and get my hopes up. So this doesn't at all seem real. I really believed despite the negatives that I was pregnant and that we somehow lost this precious little baby and that God took a little angel home the past couple of weeks. We both know that God is ultimately in control of everything and that for whatever the reason we had to go through this season and lesson He ultimately holds us. I don't know what the future exactly holds for us but I know the ONE who holds our future and I know that He knows His plan for us.

VACATION!!!!

Vacation Time!!! I am so excited. Tomorrow morning we are leaving for Savannah Georgia. My hubby and our roommate are all going to be able to go. This is the first trip that my hubby and I have been on together since before we got married. We are going to go see my best friend, hubby, and baby. They are doing their baby's baby dedication this weekend and they will have lots of family and friends there this weekend. I am so excited because we will be able to be there for 5 days, thats the longest we have ever been able to stay there most of the time we are there just for the weekend. Usually from Friday to Sunday. This will be my honey's first time to meet their baby. I will be posting pictures when we get back next week!!!!

Some new pics from our night out!

Last Wednesday night J and I and A all went down to Outback for our little family outing. After outback we went down to Palafox pier. I believe that is one of my hubbys favorite spots, he loves going there especially after outback or anything we do down in that area. We took a bunch of pictures while there and boy do I look like my momma. We got some good ones taken. We enjoyed our time down there will have to do that more often this summer especially with having our new wheels. I have also lost almost 50lbs in these pictures. J's face cracks me up in some of the ones in the last ones with all three of us.

Our new baby Cherry!

I am so excited and so is J, we bought our first car together yesterday! We bought a 2011 Kia Sorento. We were looking for a brand new car however there wasn't anyway they said that they could get a new car into our budget. We are so happy and relieved to have a new to us car and a car with warranties. YAY for warranties and for a new car with less than half the miles on it. We love all the features in it. We have the fold away third row seating, cd player, satellite radio (have to look into activating it) the trunk area is huge with the third row seats folded and they will be most of the time as we will only be using that when I have all three of our nieces with us or all of them and my little sister. The 3rd row is definitely more kid friendly. Even Molly likes it I took her shopping today to Petsmart and than thru the bank drive thru both places she was spoiled with dog treats at both places. Next week we will be adding the wheelchair lift on the back for J's power chair. Until then we will continue to use his manual wheelchair. We will get to break the car in real good next weekend when we go to Georgia to see my best friend and her husband and their little baby boy for his baby dedication at church.

To All the Single Ladies

Today is a special day for me today 2 years ago my wonderful, amazing, God sent boyfriend became my wonderful, amazing, God sent fiance. I know I know you probably are tired of hearing about all your friends love stories and the amazing men God puts in their lives... but please keep reading. I was there with you didn't want to hear any more stories about people finding the one that they had waited for the one they loved all my friends were pretty much all married off or in serious relationships just a few years ago and I had had my heart broken by the person I thought was the one and I was waiting around for God to strike him with lightening and knock some sense into him. Thank God that He didn't do that because I know now he wasn't the right one and waiting for the one that God did send was well worth the frustration, pain, and doubt I had.

I made a decision early in my teens to surrender my love life to God and to wait on His timing and trust my parents with their advice on the one I would marry. It wasn't easy and I made mistakes along the way and did things that I am not proud of. Like there was the blind date that went horribly wrong and I knew from the beginning he wasn't the right one. (I had lots of information about him before hand that I knew he wasn't the right one) Then there was the guy I knew from being a kid that tried to cross many lines and boundaries and I almost let him do it. Than there was my first serious boyfriend. I had known him since I was 12 years old and seriously thought even thru the other 2 guys that he really was the one. (lots of little things I had convince myself of). I had even just mere months before he asked me out and we began dating prayed that if he wasn't the one that God would keep this guys mouth shut and never ask me about taking a step forward. It was a crazy emotional 8 months that we dated and it was up and down roller coaster. I thought that's what love was and thought that I deeply loved him, but I lost who I was in that relationship and became more focused on him instead of God and so when we ended our relationship I was lost and it took me a long time to find myself and reestablish myself in God. It also took me time to learn and feel God's amazing grace as in that relationship we did cross lines and we ended up sleeping together and even several pregnancy scares did not stop us it was the power of God that did keep us from getting pregnant as He knew the plans He had for us. A little over a year later I got onto e-harmony just to see what was out there. I didn't have any plans on getting serious with anyone right then but I guess it was my fleece out there for God to use and He did. I started talking to this guy and would get annoyed because He would always wait until the free communication weekends were over (I was to cheap to to pay for a membership) to reply back and than I had to wait so what would have taken a few weeks took 3 1/2 months and than I decided that I could cash in on this deal that was like 20 dollars for 3 months and Things took off from there as I could communicate as much as I wanted with this guy. We meet for the first time on Dec. 15 2009 and it took off from there I had a lot of hesitation and wasn't sure after being so hurt before in a relationship I didn't want to get hurt again so... It took me about a month for me to actually listen to God and start dating him and than about a month later I was ready for J to propose so 3 month after beginning to date we were engaged. I know that seems really fast but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was the one. One of the major things was that I didn't have to give up anything that I had prayed for in a husband and that I didn't have to change who I was to make him happy. The core of me could stay the same. I have done some changing for my hubby but its been little things like making sure I put extra effort into keeping the house picked up more than I ever did when I lived by myself and making sure little things that aren't important to me are done for him in a timely manner that I wouldn't do for long periods of time for myself.


Ladies let me encourage you to wait and hold out for the one that God has for you. When you take it into your own hands it gets messy like it did for me. I tried to convince myself that I could be happy with the one I wanted not the one that God wanted for me. I know ladies who didn't wait or didn't listen to God about the one to marry and they are either miserably married or unhappily together with someone or so far away from the plan that God had for them. I am not saying that God cannot take the mistakes of our past and use them for His good, I know He can and He has in my life, I just know that it is so much easier to wait on His timing instead of rushing our agenda and if you become patient and learn to seek His heart and face than you can one day look back on the goodness of God in your love life. I know that I am tremendously blessed because I didn't marry the one I wanted to marry. Example the last I heard about the one I wanted to marry he was living with his parents still (and he is older than me, I am 26 by the way) while I am married to truly the man of my dreams and the man of my blessing and living in a house completely paid for just a couple of weeks away from being completely debt free able to be a stay at home wife and serve with my honey in full time ministry with no outside job distracting us. Wow how amazing!!! (I am not saying that if the guy God gives you doesn't own his own house its wrong, I am just showing the difference in my plan and God's plan and how much better God's plan was for me than my plan)

I also encourage you to embrace the single season in your life because once you get married it all changes and sometimes even now it would be nice to go out with girlfriends and stay out late but I know that my present is truly that a gift from God and I am glad for my single season and even happier for my married season. Enjoy it go out with your girlfriends live slightly more carefree because you do gain more responsibility as a wife and eventually a mother. I know too many women who wish away their single life only to live with such regret when they get married that it ruins their marriage. Please don't be that way embrace it and enjoy what time God gives you as a single woman because it becomes part of the most amazing story and that is the story of You!

Testing...Testing... Is this thing on?

I know its been an awful long time since I posted anything on here and thought boy it's really time to update the peeps! God answered a major stress factor in our life we sold our van, and if any of you have read previous blogs you know what a headache this van has been. Case and point in January we spent over 500 dollars fixing the brakes not replacing them but fixing them all for the alternator to go out in February. We were just so over it!!!!! We had plans to just trade it in when we purchased our vehicle but we ended up talking to our wheelchair dealer on some specifics for J's new chair and told him that we were planning on trading the van in so we would need the chair to be able to go on a lift on the back of our car. He told us we might get a better deal selling it privately since it is wheelchair accessible, or someone might buy it for a work van especially someone in the wheelchair business. Lo and Behold he was the one who actually bought it and gave us Blue book value (I was happy because blue book was the amount I wanted and didn't think we would get).

We have been waiting for this week for about 2 years now as we would be getting our new vehicle and than we added to that 3 new ac's for the house and paying off a little bit of debt and the last of our wedding debt. We have been able to pay of the little debt still have the wedding debt to go. Anyways thought we would have the money already but the company sending it had computer glitches and so they have had to manually enter it and it looks like we should hopefully have it by Thursday or Friday. We definitely need it here by Friday at the latest as we will be get getting our new ac's this week on Saturday and need to pay the ac man that day. So Prayers are appreciated that it will be handled quickly and efficiently so that we will have that taken care of and be able to get our car as well this week or early next week.

So exciting yet slightly stressful time for us lately. We are also planning a trip to Georgia at the end of the month for baby S's baby dedication at church. Very excited about that and the fact that I get to spend more than one actually day there and that my honey gets to join me on this trip first time he will met baby "S".

Anyways as soon as we get our new car I will be putting some pictures up on here and facebook. Hopefully I will be able to do better at keeping the blog better updated.

2012 Bucket List

So I am not real big on resolutions but I do like the idea of a bucket list things that I want to do by the time I kick the bucket but since I don't plan on doing that any time soon. So what follows is a list of things I would like to do this year.

1. Read my whole Bible this year (I started a plan on the youversion app on my iphone)
2. Lose 100 lbs this year. 
3. Fall more in love with God
4. Fall more in love with my husband
5. Build my marriage stronger with God's help
6. Go on vacation with just my husband
7. Strengthen my Faith and trust in God
8. Get Pregnant (at least would love to get pregnant and have the baby as well this year)
9. Get my office painted and decorated
10. Work with my Husband to build our ministry with God
11. Lead a small group @ Liberty with my Hubby
12. Get involved more @ church
13. Develop new friendships
14. Read 25 books that I have never read
15. Make a difference in someone's life. 

Yellow Roses!

I don't know how many people believe in signs from God. Little things that happen in your life that are insignificant to other people but are huge in your life. I have one that has been in my life since a teenager. It is yellow roses. I fell in love with them when I was around 15 years old. From that point on I wanted my husband to buy me yellow rises and would love to get yellow roses for my birthday and things like that. However yellow roses are not in season at my birthday and so none of my friends or family was ever able to buy me roses. I finally decide after a couple of years I decided in my heart that I would use the yellow roses as a sign that whoever I was dating would be the one that I was suppose to marry. I also had other things of course that my hubby had to have, but the yellow rose was pretty important. I wanted my husband to be able to get them for me before we got married. Shortly after Jeremy and I started dating I brought up what my favorite flowers were (without telling him what the significance was) and his jaw just about hit the floor. Yellow roses are significant in his life and family. He also tells me that he has planted on the side of the house a yellow rosebush. This rosebush blooms at the most unusual times. It bloomed right before we got engaged like maybe a week before and that was in march and than it bloomed again the day we went to get our marriage license in September and than again shortly after we got married in October. I had thought it was dying because it has only bloomed once in the past year since we have been married. Today I was leaving the house to eat lunch with a friend and I noticed for the first time in awhile. It was pretty neat because it blooms usually when something significant is about to happen so makes me excited that this might just be a sign from God that this year is going to be significant year for Jeremy and I. It makes me excited for this year!!!