Not even sure how to label this blog or if for sure I will share it or if I do share it allow comments. So much going through my mind lately. I feel overwhelmed, under appreciated, and stressed out. So in the past two months we have had some pretty severe freezing weather, especially for us Floridians. I am talking like the high getting into the 20's and 30's with nights dropping into the teens. Of course this means high power bills and freezing pipes. Oh this year both times we have had the freezing weather we have had pipes freeze and bust on us to the sum of close to $400. Of course insurance or home warranty doesn't cover any of this expense and we are trying to get our emergency fund fully funded once again but with all of this coming up its been a little hard. Not to mention that this afternoon a wire broke on my husbands powerchair not only is this wire vital for the chair to even work its cost $300 to replace. So in the past month we have had about $700 dollars of unexpected expense come up we also have 2 yearly bills come due in February our termite protection and car tag renewal so there was also another $350 roughly that comes out in Jan-Feb budget. We are also in the process of selling our house and it seems like we cant please any buyers and now it looks like there will have to be some painting done some work done that isn't necessary in the sense that its not any repairs but just so people can see that concept that the house once had a second kitchen located on the opposite side of the house. Hindsight being 20/20 we should have never converted the second kitchen that was being used into a studio to record devotions for radio stations, however we didn't know we would be moving so soon after doing this.
Something I never really talk about is all the extra work that goes into taking care of Jeremy, now don't get me wrong I don't ever regret my decision to marry him or any of the stuff that I have to do for him, but there are days that would be nice to be able to afford a caretaker just for a few hours. However insurance doesn't cover home health care and for us to be able to afford it right now would mean I have to go find a job and than the only thing my job would pay for is the home health care that we wouldn't need if I wasn't working. Its a vicious cycle. Our hope is that in Iowa we will be able to afford it with everything else that is going down, like car insurance, home owners insurance, power, groceries, health insurance, gas. It's amazing the differences. Also I would be able to run a daycare out of our house if I chose too and be my own boss and set my hours as such. When I lived there last time there was a lot of help financially for those who ran their own daycare out of their house so it would be interesting to see if that help is still available. Sometimes there are days I wonder how much more can I take and really unless you have walked in my shoes no comments are needed. I never talk about this because no one around here understands our situation and honestly I pray you never have to be in our situation where you become the primary caregiver to your spouse. While marriage is hard in general being in an interdependent marriage is not for the weak of heart. I have found a couple of blogs that have definitely helped a lot. One I recently stumbled on has been so encouraging. No matter how many blogs I found and no matter how much I read ultimately every situation is different and only you can take what will work for you. One thing for us is that late nights and late mornings work a lot better for us. I don't try to plan anything for us to be anywhere before 10. Even if we have to be somewhere at 10 it means getting up around 730 to get myself dressed and showered and than getting Jeremy up dressed feed and coffee and everything he might need and than its time to walk out the door. It also can limit our ability to do things last minute as it takes more for us to just drop and go especially right now without a wheelchair vehicle which will be remedied next year. Its a crazy schedule and not many people don't understand it. It's okay to for people not to understand but its hard to hear well meaning questions like well what do you do? I do a lot up until recently I was full time caretaker for Jeremy, full time babysitter for my 3 nieces, trying to run a house, run an office (my official title with our ministry is office manager), be a wife, volunteer at church and keep it all together. Doesn't leave a whole lot for myself. As a woman and someone who has a care giver attitude its hard to make sure I am taken care of. Theres a lot that goes into that. It usually means making sure we have someone lined up to feed Jeremy if necessary depending on what I am doing or making sure I am done by a certain if Jeremy has somewhere to go as he can't take himself. I know there are a lot of things that frustrate Jeremy as well and I don't discredit them and I don't say this to get sympathy and honestly I don't want but I am also not saying this to get tips or criticism I don't want those either. I know that God has put Jeremy and I together there is no doubt in my mind and dreams I never thought would happen are happening and they are happening all in God's timing with Jeremy. I know this is a lot of rambling and probably not a lot put together and all but this has been a lot of the thoughts going through my mind lately and they are exhausting. I am just praying to make it through this season and I am ready for the next season.
I end this blog by saying so much has changed over the past year and it has been hard and rough but I am excited about whats just around the corner for us. We know God has huge plans for us and we are excited to see how it is all going to work out.
