Day 12 If I won the Lottery

This is kinda an interesting topic considering the recent powerball was $564 million dollars. Whoa! Can you say lots of dough!? Ha I don't even know what I would do with that much money seriously. I know what I could do with maybe around 100 grand. I think the first thing we would do is tithe of it. Jeremy and I made a commitment a few years ago that no matter what any money we get in we tithe off of it. So that takes care of the first thing. Next would be pay off our house and than I would want to splurge and buy me a really nice new car. We would put money into savings a good chunk. We would tithe again off of it to the ministry we run right now that we would give a lot of it away I think in the long run. I would also love to take a nice vacation maybe overseas. Than we would give a lot of the money away to people who needed it mostly I would think it would be close family and friends. I think we would make sure that our household would be taken care of and then kinda go from there. However though it's really hard to win the lotto when you don't play the lotto so heres to pipe dreams.

Positive, Positive, Negative, Negative, Negative???!!!

So 2 weeks ago today I took 2 pregnancy test (different brands, different times) and they both turned out positive. Jeremy and I were ecstatic especially since having been told that we might not be able to have children of our own. We quickly told his our parents and a couple of very very close friends. For the most part though we kept it very hush hush until I was able to go to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy. I had a few symptoms some slight nausea, constant tiredness, and irritability. We even bought some baby stuff to prepare. I was cautiously optimistic until it was confirmed through the doctor. A little less than 2 weeks after the test at home I went to the midwifes office and we did the initial exam and did a urine sample which was negative (although not surprised as I had been up for around 4 hrs by the time they had did that test and drank quite a bit of water as I normally do and it definitely was was not my first time going to the bathroom that day. However the midwife didn't seem concerned and wanted to do some blood work as well to just make sure. I went home to wait for the results. She first told me that she would only call if the blood work was negative and I didn't receive a call until closer to 430 today. I was hoping that by it being so late in the afternoon that it was a positive since she said I wouldn't get a call unless it was negative. When she called she told me that my blood work was negative and was anywhere remotely positive. I was told that there was only two possibilities and that was either I had false positives at home or possible had been pregnant and I caught it really early and than had a very early miscarriage or what is called a chemical pregnancy. I have done a lot of reading and research the past couple of weeks and from everything I have read it seems that false positives are very rare unless you didn't follow the instructions on the pregnancy test (which I followed to the letter of the law) and more than likely what happens is you have an early miscarriage. It all doesn't seem real as we hadn't made any announcements to many people and it was all kinda quiet at home and didn't really talk that much about the baby just because I didn't want to keep bringing it up and get my hopes up. So this doesn't at all seem real. I really believed despite the negatives that I was pregnant and that we somehow lost this precious little baby and that God took a little angel home the past couple of weeks. We both know that God is ultimately in control of everything and that for whatever the reason we had to go through this season and lesson He ultimately holds us. I don't know what the future exactly holds for us but I know the ONE who holds our future and I know that He knows His plan for us.

2011 in Review

I know everyone is writing a new years eve/new years blog and I am joining in. What a year this has been...

January- Was actually a pretty quiet month. We had a decent working van and stayed busy with church, and family, and friends. Jeremy had started working at the church twice a week.

February- I turned 25. Jeremy developed a hernia (which was completely healed by God with no need for surgery). Celebrated our second Valentines day and our first as a married couple. My baby niece turned 3 (seriously where does the time, things have changed so much in that time) Wrote my first blog about our baby journey, and realized 8 years had already passed since Mom has passed away.

March- Went to our church's womens conference where God challenged me to reach out to our neighbors more, talked about adoption. Bought a brand new couch and rearranged the living room. My baby sister turned 9 this year crazy I remember it like yesterday I was changing her diapers.

April- Another quiet month. Not a whole lot of excitement. My dad turned 51 this month.

May-  Osama Bin Laden was killed major major news! Threw my best friends baby shower. Was excited to see her. Our main a/c unit died. Formed our board for our ministry (Jesus Saves International Ministries) and had our first board meeting.

June-  Van broke down AGAIN!!!! Simple air sensor but so annoying. Applied for non-exempt status with the IRS for the ministry.

July- Plain old hot summer especially with no ac. Set a goal for the end of the year.

August- Jeremy became and ordained minister with Liberty Network. 2nd board meeting of the year.

September- Sprung a water leak in our pipe leading  to the house. Best friend had her adorable little boy on the first. Tropical Lee came thru and brought a couple of days of cooler weather (which I loved). Started Herbalife and lost 10 lbs the first week.

October-  Celebrated our 1 year anniversary. Continued Herbalife and lost 17 lbs. Drove to Ga to see my best friends Baby.

November- Adopted another little doggie (although it was short lived because I did not have the patience to deal with housebreaking all over again) Lost 10lbs. Celebrated Thanksgiving with my in-laws. Had family pictures taken. Created Christmas Cards. Decorated early for Christmas this year.

December- Lost 9 more lbs for a total of 46lbs since Sept. Celebrated Christmas early with my bro, sis-in-law, and nieces. Surprised my best friend for her birthday in Georgia. Celebrated Christmas with my in-laws including brother in law, his girlfriend and grandma in law. Got our approval for for non-profit tax exemption from the IRS. THANK YOU JESUS!!!! That was three and half years of hard work on my hubby's part. Celebrated New Years Eve with the love of my life on the couch watching the ball drop in New York.

Finding my life while losing myself

Yep thats what I said... I started another blog yesterday as I also started an incredible personal journey of weight loss and healthy living and permenant lifestyle change. Come check it out and maybe leave a shout of encouragement a long the way. But remember the old adage from your momma, "If you can't say anything nice you shouldn't say anything at all" This has been an extremely personal battle that I have fought and lost (most of the time) all of my life. So I invite you to come along and watch but nasty comments or jokes will not be tolerated if you don't care about it than don't follow. I will be posting a lot there as I also plan on finding out the reasons behind why this has been a battle and hopefully and prayerfully this will no longer be a battle with me.


Finding My Life While Losing Myself a Journey to Weight Loss and Life.

Fun Friday

I know I have been incognito for a little bit now and to come back I thought I would fill out this fun little survey to get to know me a little better!
1. How close to your childhood dreams is your life now?
My childhood dreams are almost exactly where I am at right now. The one thing I need to complete those dreams and will happen in due time is babies. I am married to the man of my dreams and we work together at our church and also have our ministry.

2. What is one must have item for the summer?
A/C, Seriously!, you do not want to meet me when I am overheated.

3. Do you have your kids stay up on school stuff during summer vacation? (Or, if you don't have kiddos, did your parents make you keep up on school stuff during summer?)
My parents did not make me keep up on school stuff. I went to my granny's house during the summer and we were too busy playing to do school stuff

4. Do you can or freeze fresh produce?
No.

5. Do you get ready for the day first thing in the morning?
Nope I am a stay at home wife and somedays I do not get out of my pj's

???

So I have another possibly gray area to bring up. (I like doing these gets you to really think). I have been watching Sister Wives on TLC. I know I know some would disapprove but anyways I am grown and its a clean show. First of lets just get this out of the way, I dont approve or agree of their lifestyle and how they choose to live. I dont think its right and they shouldnt be living this way. Okay now that that is over, What are everyones thoughts on the present investigation into their lives? I understand that it is illegal to practice polygamy in Utah and that by doing the show it would open up a huge can of worms. However I do not believe that they should be prosecuted for it. That their lifestyle is because of a religious belief and practice. This isnt something they are claiming to be just to get away with whatever they want, from all appearances (and I know appearances can be decieving) they truly believe this is the right way for them to live. All the wives are consenting adults when they were "married" there is no child abuse of any kind present (sexual, emotional, physical, physcological) that we can tell. They are not forcing their children into this lifestyle and marrying them underage and to older men that have several wives. All of his wives were from what I personally can remember them saying on the show raised this way and in this belief and many at least 3 of them had sister wife mothers if I remember correctly. I mean you can be gay, you can be straight and have several sexual partners and even have children with multiple people and stay that way and continue to see multiple people and not be prosecuted. I know that he is legally married and that take it to a different level, but what is the difference between that and an open marriage. If you agree to be in an open marriage where you see other people there may be at times for periods of time where one person is seeing someone else or sleeping around. Like I said I dont agree with what they are doing and how they are living their life but I also dont think that they should be prosecuted and sent to jail and the family all split up. I mean arent we in American trying to keep the family unit together and dont we (as in America we) teach tolerance to others such as bobby who has the two mommies or susie who has two daddies, or sally whose mommy sleeps around and has several sexual parteners, or johnny who has no daddy  or might have a daddy but no mommy and yet their parents are not proscuted for living a different lifestyle of their own choosing. Shouldnt their religious beliefs although not the norm be protected by our constitution. Isnt this considered where the government is stepping in and saying you can believe this this isnt a religious practice we approve of and for lack of a better term going against what our forefathers wanted with the seperation of church and state (i know thats not in the constitution or anything like that and that it was written in a private letter i know i know; like i said lack of a better term) Anyways would be curious to hear other peoples thoughts

Are you Trusting?

Today sitting out on the back porch doing my devotions, I started reading Proverbs 3. I read a Proverbs a day. In Proverbs 3 it has the famous verses "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not into your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths" (Proverbs 3:5-6). This morning especially it made me think and ask myself "Do I really trust God with all my heart or do I lean on my own understanding  and try to do it myself? Do I acknowledge Him in everything and let Him direct my paths? Or more often do I try to control it myself and make it happen myself. I challenged myself today to really trust God more and to acknowledge Him in everything I do.


I also started reading the book Esther yesterday and I am just amazed again as I am always with Esther. To really realize what this young woman went thru and when she was taken from her home and forced to live in the palace and go thru all the beauty processes, knowing that it came down to a night with the king and not just a night of talking and reading it was a night of sex and as a young Jewish girl to know that she was going to have to compromise her innocence and her purity and most likely not be chosen to be queen. To know that after that one night she might just be the kings whore (in today's language) that her only job very well might have been for the rest of her life to please the king in such a manner at his beck and call and to never have a family was heartbreaking I am sure for her. But She trusted God with all her heart and and even though it wasn't in her understanding to surrender that to give up most of her most highly prized (I am sure) to do something that she only imagined doing in the confines of her humble marriage to a typical Jewish man. I think that her life was summed up very well in what her cousin Mordecai said in Esther 4:14 "Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this" Esther had to endure and trust in God all the way so that she was in place in the palace in order to save her people the Jews from Haman's plan to kill all the Jews.

Spring into the New

So I am a day behind on my committment to blog everyday. Yesterday Jeremy and I kinda started doing atkins and we are kinda faltered towards the end of yesterday as I need to do some major grocery shopping and than we can really kick it off with the right foods. Although we kinda dropped the ball there I have been able to keep myself going with a personal goal and that is to get up and read my bible every morning before I start my day off. It has been wonderful to get up and before my day gets going. It has really been great to sit on my back porch and read my bible and drink my coffee. It has been great having my time with Jesus in the morning and get my day going the right way. I feel more productive with everything and I am able to accomplish what I need to. I want to start blogging a lot of what I feel like God is speaking to me as well and what I can share.

My verse today was

Psalm 45:13  "The royal daughter is all glorious within the palace;

Her clothing is woven with gold." NKJV


As a believer in God and He being the King of Kings that makes me a royal daughter. It means that I am glorious and that while my physical clothes of course arent woven in gold I am a precious daughter of the king. and I live a very blessed life by being obedience to God's will to the best of my ability and to honor Him in all I do.

Back to the basics!

For those who didnt know my mil and fil host a home group for their church, while its been just us and them I have throughly enjoyed it. The series is on worship. Tonight was a tough one (forgot my steel toed boots). The main point that hit home was the first thing talked about, the idols we put up in our life the things we want (i.e. our desires) as we were talking it hit me, I want JESUS and... My Will (at least for me). I realized that I want Gods best for my life but I want it in a way that makes sure that I get what I selfishly want. Not that the desires I want are bad or that they aren't in God's ultimate will and plan for my life; but do I want those things more; do I let my desires or even my laziness get in between me and my Heavenly Fathers plan for my life. I know that I have a lot of work to do and I know that I am guilty of many times putting my will and desires and selfishness and laziness ahead of what God wants me to do. If all God wanted me to do was get saved He would have called me to heaven almost 20 years ago; however He has a bigger plan for my life. I know it hasnt happened the way I thought it should or looked how it should and a lot of that is because of my selfish desires and will. I was challenged tonight to go deeper in my walk with God and to enter into worship more and longer periods of time. Also not to let my selfishness and will get in the way and stop me from where God is taking me. So I challenge all of you guys to go deeper, dig deeper, and put yourself last and God first.

Blog Makeover

I was reading a new blog tonight from a dear lady at at our church, it gave me such an inspiration to blog even more and to do a blog makeover. I am impressed with it how it turned out in looks, lets just hope the inspiration to blog more kicks into reality. I am going to start blogging even tidbits like recipes to try, quotes I come across, scriptures or just random thoughts throughout the day. Coming in March hopefully it will also be more productive as Jeremy and I are going to do a lifestyle change with what we eat and start doing a low carb lifestyle. It has hit more and more since we have been married at least for me that its not just about me anymore that I cant live my life how I want especially including how I treat my body another thing is how the bible talks about that our body is the temple of the holy spirit and that I need to treat it better and take care of what God has given me physically, finacially, spiritually, and emtionally. Also being in better shape will help with getting pregnant, delivering babies, raising children and gives me more energy to spend more time with my honey. Also it can add years to my life and help reduce the chance of developing diabetes and heart problems and even certain types of cancer and of course just the over all improvement of health. I am so excited not just for the fact of losing weight but for the fact that there is so much yummy food to eat and not feeling like i am depriving myself of food.