Day 19 My worst Habits

Oh ouch! My worst habits this is kinda an ouchy blog because nobody wants to point out their flaws or worst anything. I really bad habit and the worst one I have is that I can't say no very easily. It's great for other people because it gets them help. However for Jeremy and I it's bad because I get overcommitted and then I stress out a lot towards Jeremy. I am working on it more now that we have moved and it definitely has made us happier saying no more and more. Saying no doesn't come easy because I like helping people and like putting people before myself and I have learned you can't take care of people or help people if you aren't taking care of yourself and helping yourself. I also learned that everything you say yes to you are saying no to something or someone else. I have decided that I want to say yes more to my husband and no to the unnecessary things. So hopefully this wont be my worst habit for much longer!!!!1

Day 16 Dream Job!

Growing up I have had some different dream jobs. I wanted to be a teacher at one point. Than later a labor and delivery nurse, than it was an oncology nurse. Always in the back of my mind I wanted to be a wife and mom. More specifically I wanted to be married to someone in the ministry. As I have gotten older my dream job as changed to being full time wife and mommy. I have been a full time stay at home wife since marrying Jeremy and hoping that before to much longer the second part of being a stay at home mommy will happen. So I have been living half of my dream job for almost 5 years and I am excited to start the next half when God chooses.

Day 11 Most Proud Moment.

I don't know that I could just pick one proud moment. I guess what I thinking would actually accumulates a few moments in time. My high school graduation would probably be the first one of my proud moments, than it would be moving into my apartment, than getting married, than selling our house and than buying our house here in Iowa. I think those are my most proud moments because for me it represented so many "adult" life changing moments. I remember getting ready to move into my own apartment and the fear I had about what happens if I fail or I can't do it. However I did it I had my own apartment for 3 years before I meet and married Jeremy. Getting married it was definitely one of the biggest decisions I have ever made. When we decided to move to Iowa and all the stuff that comes with moving it was a big deal. Than going to the bank and getting financing for our house and being able to do that without having to have anyone co sign for us was huge for me and picking out our house and buying it was another proud moment. I think these are the ones that stick out the most because each one of them were the opening and closing of chapters in my life.

Positive, Positive, Negative, Negative, Negative???!!!

So 2 weeks ago today I took 2 pregnancy test (different brands, different times) and they both turned out positive. Jeremy and I were ecstatic especially since having been told that we might not be able to have children of our own. We quickly told his our parents and a couple of very very close friends. For the most part though we kept it very hush hush until I was able to go to the doctor to confirm the pregnancy. I had a few symptoms some slight nausea, constant tiredness, and irritability. We even bought some baby stuff to prepare. I was cautiously optimistic until it was confirmed through the doctor. A little less than 2 weeks after the test at home I went to the midwifes office and we did the initial exam and did a urine sample which was negative (although not surprised as I had been up for around 4 hrs by the time they had did that test and drank quite a bit of water as I normally do and it definitely was was not my first time going to the bathroom that day. However the midwife didn't seem concerned and wanted to do some blood work as well to just make sure. I went home to wait for the results. She first told me that she would only call if the blood work was negative and I didn't receive a call until closer to 430 today. I was hoping that by it being so late in the afternoon that it was a positive since she said I wouldn't get a call unless it was negative. When she called she told me that my blood work was negative and was anywhere remotely positive. I was told that there was only two possibilities and that was either I had false positives at home or possible had been pregnant and I caught it really early and than had a very early miscarriage or what is called a chemical pregnancy. I have done a lot of reading and research the past couple of weeks and from everything I have read it seems that false positives are very rare unless you didn't follow the instructions on the pregnancy test (which I followed to the letter of the law) and more than likely what happens is you have an early miscarriage. It all doesn't seem real as we hadn't made any announcements to many people and it was all kinda quiet at home and didn't really talk that much about the baby just because I didn't want to keep bringing it up and get my hopes up. So this doesn't at all seem real. I really believed despite the negatives that I was pregnant and that we somehow lost this precious little baby and that God took a little angel home the past couple of weeks. We both know that God is ultimately in control of everything and that for whatever the reason we had to go through this season and lesson He ultimately holds us. I don't know what the future exactly holds for us but I know the ONE who holds our future and I know that He knows His plan for us.

To All the Single Ladies

Today is a special day for me today 2 years ago my wonderful, amazing, God sent boyfriend became my wonderful, amazing, God sent fiance. I know I know you probably are tired of hearing about all your friends love stories and the amazing men God puts in their lives... but please keep reading. I was there with you didn't want to hear any more stories about people finding the one that they had waited for the one they loved all my friends were pretty much all married off or in serious relationships just a few years ago and I had had my heart broken by the person I thought was the one and I was waiting around for God to strike him with lightening and knock some sense into him. Thank God that He didn't do that because I know now he wasn't the right one and waiting for the one that God did send was well worth the frustration, pain, and doubt I had.

I made a decision early in my teens to surrender my love life to God and to wait on His timing and trust my parents with their advice on the one I would marry. It wasn't easy and I made mistakes along the way and did things that I am not proud of. Like there was the blind date that went horribly wrong and I knew from the beginning he wasn't the right one. (I had lots of information about him before hand that I knew he wasn't the right one) Then there was the guy I knew from being a kid that tried to cross many lines and boundaries and I almost let him do it. Than there was my first serious boyfriend. I had known him since I was 12 years old and seriously thought even thru the other 2 guys that he really was the one. (lots of little things I had convince myself of). I had even just mere months before he asked me out and we began dating prayed that if he wasn't the one that God would keep this guys mouth shut and never ask me about taking a step forward. It was a crazy emotional 8 months that we dated and it was up and down roller coaster. I thought that's what love was and thought that I deeply loved him, but I lost who I was in that relationship and became more focused on him instead of God and so when we ended our relationship I was lost and it took me a long time to find myself and reestablish myself in God. It also took me time to learn and feel God's amazing grace as in that relationship we did cross lines and we ended up sleeping together and even several pregnancy scares did not stop us it was the power of God that did keep us from getting pregnant as He knew the plans He had for us. A little over a year later I got onto e-harmony just to see what was out there. I didn't have any plans on getting serious with anyone right then but I guess it was my fleece out there for God to use and He did. I started talking to this guy and would get annoyed because He would always wait until the free communication weekends were over (I was to cheap to to pay for a membership) to reply back and than I had to wait so what would have taken a few weeks took 3 1/2 months and than I decided that I could cash in on this deal that was like 20 dollars for 3 months and Things took off from there as I could communicate as much as I wanted with this guy. We meet for the first time on Dec. 15 2009 and it took off from there I had a lot of hesitation and wasn't sure after being so hurt before in a relationship I didn't want to get hurt again so... It took me about a month for me to actually listen to God and start dating him and than about a month later I was ready for J to propose so 3 month after beginning to date we were engaged. I know that seems really fast but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was the one. One of the major things was that I didn't have to give up anything that I had prayed for in a husband and that I didn't have to change who I was to make him happy. The core of me could stay the same. I have done some changing for my hubby but its been little things like making sure I put extra effort into keeping the house picked up more than I ever did when I lived by myself and making sure little things that aren't important to me are done for him in a timely manner that I wouldn't do for long periods of time for myself.


Ladies let me encourage you to wait and hold out for the one that God has for you. When you take it into your own hands it gets messy like it did for me. I tried to convince myself that I could be happy with the one I wanted not the one that God wanted for me. I know ladies who didn't wait or didn't listen to God about the one to marry and they are either miserably married or unhappily together with someone or so far away from the plan that God had for them. I am not saying that God cannot take the mistakes of our past and use them for His good, I know He can and He has in my life, I just know that it is so much easier to wait on His timing instead of rushing our agenda and if you become patient and learn to seek His heart and face than you can one day look back on the goodness of God in your love life. I know that I am tremendously blessed because I didn't marry the one I wanted to marry. Example the last I heard about the one I wanted to marry he was living with his parents still (and he is older than me, I am 26 by the way) while I am married to truly the man of my dreams and the man of my blessing and living in a house completely paid for just a couple of weeks away from being completely debt free able to be a stay at home wife and serve with my honey in full time ministry with no outside job distracting us. Wow how amazing!!! (I am not saying that if the guy God gives you doesn't own his own house its wrong, I am just showing the difference in my plan and God's plan and how much better God's plan was for me than my plan)

I also encourage you to embrace the single season in your life because once you get married it all changes and sometimes even now it would be nice to go out with girlfriends and stay out late but I know that my present is truly that a gift from God and I am glad for my single season and even happier for my married season. Enjoy it go out with your girlfriends live slightly more carefree because you do gain more responsibility as a wife and eventually a mother. I know too many women who wish away their single life only to live with such regret when they get married that it ruins their marriage. Please don't be that way embrace it and enjoy what time God gives you as a single woman because it becomes part of the most amazing story and that is the story of You!

You are more by Tenth Avenue North

Listen to this song the other day and it just really encouraged me so I thought I would share the words with yall.

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

You've been remade
You've been remade.
You've been remade.
You've been remade