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Thursday, March 17, 2011
Blahhh!
I have felt kinda blah the past week and a half. I am glad that I have my blog where I can be real and if you dont like it dont read it. Here I can express things that I need to get off my chest. The past few weeks it is really hitting me hard that I am not pregnant yet. I know its only been about 5 1/2 months since we got married but we basically have been trying since day 1. We already knew that it would be almost impossible to get pregnant by ourselfs but we serve a big God and having a baby isnt a big thing for God. He can do anything He can give my husband and I baby right now or He could have given us one right after we got married. I cant even tell you how many pregnancy tests I have taken in 5 months and I know it should be what like 5 one fore each month.... but I have always heard you want to take two at a time to be sure and usually its two different brands. Of course taking two a couple of different times a month because I would convince myself its just been too soon to tell so I would take them a little closer or after I should have had a period and every time they came out negative or AF came to visit it would just break my heart. It scares me at times because there are two things I have wanted in life since as far back I can remember and that was to be married (and I am married to my absolute best friend in the world) and to be a mommy. Of course my plans have would have been to meet Jeremy when I was 17 or 18 get married right away after highschool and to have babies right away but God had other things for us to do before we got married and I wouldnt trade it for anything in the world (by the way I know my grammar is impeccable to be desired but dont judge me today). I know I know people are probably like well you knew going in that you would have a hard time getting pregnant if you could naturally but we just really believe that God will heal him (my hubby) and give us the baby(ies) we desire to have. We have the names picked out even have a few little onsies. It woudl also thrill my in laws as of right now we are their hope of having grandbabies and they my mil is so ready to have grandbabies and to be honest my parents (especially my dad) would be thrilled with a little grandson. Regardless they will be happy whether its a boy or a girl. I just cant wait until its my turn and I get to announce that I am expecting and we are going to have a baby. While I have some feeligns on when it really is in Gods hands and while that should give me peace I wish it could just be the old fashioned way, because lets face it it is really cool thinking that out of the most intimate gift God can give two people comes the miracle of life and yet that has been robbed from my husband and I. While Jeremy has had more time to deal with the reality of the possiblity of never being able to have a child biological I havent had as much time, now dont get me wrong this is in no way a deal breaker for us. I knew full well that we would probably never have children naturally well before we got married in fact it was before we even began dating he felt that he needed to be open with me about it. I know we serve a big God and He alone can heal what is broken to create our little babies between the two of us and if we needto have our babies thru adoption our hearts are more than open to that. Although I struggle sometimes with while it is definitely something I have always thought about it makes me sometimes second guess if that is my hagar and ishmel. I dont want to try and help God out. I know that God will help us decide the right time to pursue fertility specialist and or adoption at the right time.
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Katie, I don't know if you've ever tried to use an ovulation test. It works better than trying to guess when you're most fertile. When husband was ready we did that because we didn't want to be trying for a long time. He was concerned that it had to be done "right now" because he had been so sick and he wanted to make sure he was around to see his child grow up. Plus we were older--34 and 36. It did work--not right away but soon. Here is a link to the site for the one we used. Under the related links on the right side they even have an ovulation calendar on there so you have an idea. Please know that I am praying for you.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.firstresponse.com/ovulation-test.asp
Wilma
i have one but the thing is it isnt necessarly me we know that jeremy has some "plumbing" issues as of right now I dont know of any problems with my "plumbing" i need to get a couple of those and just do one starting on the 1rst of the month and go thru until it shows up ovulating and than do it the second month to get a good idea of it.
ReplyDeleteand thank you for your prayers I really believe that one day God will give us the babies we want whether we adopt or have them the old fashioned way.
ReplyDeleteI understand. We didn't know if we would be able to either as my mother had extreme difficulty carrying to term. We also weren't sure about my husband because he had been security in the Air Force and was exposed to who-knows-what on many occasions. He told me that on one occasion they gave them protective lead vests to wear like the x-ray techs wear and he wrapped it around his waist with the back to the front. He got scolded, of course, and informed the officer in charge that since he smoked at that time he obviously wasn't too concerned there but that he wanted to have children someday so he was going to protect the jewels. Feel free to laugh at the picture of him with a lead vest wrapped around his private areas--I did. LOL Cheer up, my friend. Things will work out for you and your husband one way or the other but they will work out in God's time, not human time. That's the hard part to accept. I remember my Gram used to say, "Lord, give me patience and GIVE IT TO ME NOW." :)
ReplyDeleteKatie- we went to a Mark Schultz outdoor concert last night to benefit Bethany Christian Services. They are a nationwide adoption agency with a local branch here in Pensacola. I know it's a big decision to make, and I know you want to experience pregnancy. But if it's right for you, check them out. I personally know one of their staff.
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